Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
