Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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