I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
