dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
