you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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