Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize