that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
