he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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