I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
