Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
