wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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