Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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