i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
