So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
