I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
