I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
