I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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