you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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