I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
