I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
