Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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