so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
