I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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