I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
