i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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