My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Randomize
