i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
