and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
