It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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