i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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