I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
