Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize