using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
