His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
