I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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