My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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