Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
