FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
