READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
