Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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