Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
