if only i could text you this smell
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
