Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
