im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
