You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
