who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
