WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
