3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
