I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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