I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
