This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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