Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
