what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
