hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
