I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
