i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
