I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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