It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
