so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We need to get me chipped asap
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