The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
