I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
