allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
