well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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