I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
